so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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