Tell her she can't have a vagina
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
