i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
