If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize