your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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