remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Let's get the cat blown out
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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