I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
