Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
