he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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