My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
