you're like a bully in the Christmas story
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
