what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
