I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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