Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
