Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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