You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
