none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
