Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
