Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
