Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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