he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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