Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
