Having a random hookup so left but love u
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
