i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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