I think im going to throw up on grandma
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize