"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You ate ashes out of my bong
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
