I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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