Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize