So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
