My boss' voice literally gives me gas
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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