I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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