Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
