Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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