Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
