I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
