that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
