if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
