So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
