I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize