my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
