Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
