And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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