I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
