you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
