So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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