Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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