Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
