I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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