dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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