My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize