Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
