fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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