Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I touched a dick in church today
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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