If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
