I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
