Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have post one night stand depression
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
