Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
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