All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
