It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
