every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
