oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
