U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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