Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize