you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
