Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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