why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
