Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
