genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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