I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
