ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
