I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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