I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
