On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
