It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
