Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it glows. i had to have it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Randomize
