Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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