you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
