Cold hands, warm shart.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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