She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
