what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
