I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
