last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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