No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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