At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Houston, we have a blender
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
