return my video game
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
