I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
