Your tits are I can't wait for
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
