the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
