also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
