If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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