Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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