I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I pour the whiskey from now on
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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