I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize