some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Someone came in the potted fern
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
