You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
