if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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