You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
