This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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