mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
