i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize