Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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