maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
