Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize