i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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