i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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