Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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