I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
