I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
