we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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